From Family

The Storm that Almost Destroyed Us

20150128_151649Last year was a stormy year for us. What started as a bright, promising beginning quickly turned dark and we found ourselves riding out the greatest unknown of our lives thus far.

In June, our less than two year old son was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Not just any brain tumor, but a large, rapidly growing one which destroyed his eyesight almost completely in a ridiculously short amount of time.

It took months from the first signs something was wrong, and a lot of pushing from us, for the medical world to find the correct diagnosis, only to discover that had it been a few days longer he would have been permanently blind. A few weeks and… well, I don’t want to go there.

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1H9A2508 copyB&W She sits back and presses in to her father’s familiar warmth. She knows what’s coming; she’s been here before. And there I stand beside her, offering words of comfort underneath my conjured smile;  words that I know she will trust completely despite how helpless I actually feel. It’s as though my words are not even words but empty space in time, designed to pass the seconds and distract her from what waits in the minutes ahead.

She braces, and then winces with the pain. It’s not excruciating, but enough to feel unnatural about leaving her arm out in a way that invites more. Her father holds her tighter, as I anxiously apply more words to ease her mind, trying looking past the moment and simultaneously praying for a miracle. She wants to pull away, I know it, but holds still… because she’s in her daddy’s arms.

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Pieces of my Story

IMG_20141111_205435I wish I could tell you my story. It’s pretty brutal. But, I have a heart to protect, and it aint mine.

I’ve been “umming” and “ahhing” about whether I do this, but something is tugging at my heart so I’d better write fast before I back out. Maybe this will be useful for someone today, and, if it is then it’s totally worth it.

Before I start, I’ve got to ask; Do you know how valued you are? My guess is you don’t. Not completely, anyhow. Because I didn’t. And I’m still working on it. It’s going to take some time… for me, and for most, because life sends huge, crashing waves designed to knock you down. But don’t you let it

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